Life has its way...

Wow it has been so long since I wrote anything at all.

Thing here lately have been crazy.

Between family, school, work and love my heart and mind is give out.

The is some points in the day that I catch myself thinking about it all, and all I want to do is cry.

Let’s see if I can break this down for you.

Family:
My Uncle Rusty was diagnosed with cancer at the end of August.
The name of the cancer is Malignant Fibrous Histiocytoma Sarcoma. It is kind of rare.
He has been doing radiation and chemo since the beginning of September.
He only has 5 more treatments left. They are hoping to be able to go in and remove the tumor after he finishes all his treatments.

Then Saturday, my family finds out that one of our cousins is missing. He was down at the river with some friends and he slipped on some rocks and fell in to the water. They searched Saturday afternoon, night, Sunday morning and afternoon. They finally recovered his body. They are staying that after he fell into the water he drowned and was taken down stream due to the lock and dam. It is a very sad time for the Robertson family. Little Roy left behind 3 sisters, 2 brothers, 3 nieces, 2 and a half nephew, 1 son, his girlfriend and his parents. And plus all of his outlying family. He will be missed. His funeral is scheduled for Thursday at 2 at O’Bryant Funeral Home.

School:

Well I had to drop one of my classes b/c I couldn’t afford to buy the software I need for the class. And I probably won’t be going next semester because my family cannot afford to pay my tuition.

So I’m really stressed out about all of that.

Work:

I just started a new job. I only work about 12 hours a week and get minimum wage. It is pretty rough. But I really like the job. I just need to save some money to buy some new clothes and a better pair of shoes to ware to work. But hopefully some stuff will die down and I can afford to.

I guess that is all for tonight. Thank you for listening to me and

Thank you for reading my blog. Leave me some feedback.

Love you all!

BIRTHDAY WEEK!

Wow…I have been needing to write. But I just haven’t had the chance.

I turned 21 Saturday!!!!!…But I still haven’t bought any alcohol. I was thinking about buying some tomorrow and have margarita night at the house.

That probably won’t happen.

Well this weekend was pretty great. I got to see family that I hadn’t seen in YEARS!. I really enjoyed seeing them. We had a family cookout and it went well. We had a lot of family members show up. Some couldn’t make it but that is understandable.

After the cookout I had to go to work. I started my job about 1 week ago. I’m really enjoying it. At first, I thought I couldn’t handle it but I think I’m doing well. It is fun helping ppl and my co-workers are great.

After work I went to Fulton’s Annual Singing. I got there and everyone yep coming up to me and telling my happy birthday and I didn’t think anything about it. I just kept telling everyone thank you. Well just about the time I saw Mrs. Teresa, The band started singing Happy Birthday to me in front of everyone. I was so cool. Even thought my feet were killing me and I didn’t fell good. My Birthday ended well.

My weekend was pretty great.

But my week…that is a totally different story. I had to drop my accounting class because I couldn’t get the code I needed for the class. And I kind of feel bad for dropping it but I had no other choice.

But on the up side, I got to dog sit for my grandmother today. I had fun until the puppy started to do her “business” in the living room. She got a spanking for that 3 times today. I took her out about 4 different times and she would come back inside to do the her “business.” It made me sooo mad! Dad took her home about 3.

I have been kind of lost since then. I normally baby-sit in the afternoons but I got a call this morning telling me that I didn’t need to go pick up the kids from school. So this afternoon has been kind of quite and boring compared to the usual loud yelling, laughing, hustle and bustle that it usually is in the afternoons after school.

On one hand I was bored but on the other I was kind if glad. I need a day off. I have work for 4 straight days and was needing some time off.

Oh…well. Now I’m not sure what to write about. I’m kind of still lost. I’m not use to being home on a Monday night. I really should be doing the outline for my religion research paper…but I’m not.

So I will let you all go. I hope you enjoy the rest of your week.

Well another crappy day!

Saturday September 18, 2010:

7:00am…Up and getting ready to go to Mobile with Joe to buy him clothes for work.

8:00…Joe is standing in the door of my bathroom telling me to hurry up and I’m was not in the best of mood as it is.

8:15…We are on the road to Mobile.

9:50… We are pulling up at JCPenny’s

10:35…We are leaving JCP and headed home..or so I thought. Joe decides that he wants to go eat at Logan’s road house. Well they don’t open until 11:00…so that is a 20 minute wait. So we sit in the parking lot of Logan’s because Joe doesn’t want to go in anymore stores.

11:00 We walk in Logan’s. Joe asked the Lady if they take Checks..and OF COURSE they DON’T…this is 2010. Who doesn’t have a DEBT CARD????…well that would be JOE!!!!!!!!!!!

11:01…We are walking back to the truck and is headed to Thomasville.

11:20…Joe’s dad calls him and starts fussing about something and Joe misses BOTH exits to Creola.

11:35…I get a text message from my cousin telling me that Granny's dog, Baxter, died and that I needed to go to the cleaners and check on Granny…

I’m on the FREAKING interstate in MOBILE…and is headed to Atmore…b/c my BF missed the damn exit…HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO GO TO THE CLEANERS?
WHY THE HELL ARE WE GOING TO ATMORE?
UGHHHHHHH!

After getting up with my dad and sister...I don't say a word until we reach our exit...Joe didn't either.

12:35…We exit in Atmore….

12:45…We are behind a LONG funeral precession.

1:40…We FINALLY make it home.

2:45… My cousin comes by to get a ladder and dad gets ready for the horse show.

3:30…Me and my dad are at the arena.

3:35…I’m on my way to the store to buy things we forgot and to pick up my sister.

4:05- 7:00…We are at the arena. We work in the concession stand. The horse show starts late and I miss Maribeth ride b/c I have to leave early.

7:00…Jenny comes to the arena to get me and we go meet Joe and Kori at the Grill for mine and Jenny’s joint b-day supper.

8:00- 9:00…We head to Super Foods parking lot… We sit and talk to a bunch of friends.

9:00-9:45…We have to go to walmart b/c Joe and I forgot to buy him shoes and socks for work.

10:00… I’m at home…I go to bed.

This day SUCKED also….

There are times like these that I wish there was an easy button!

There are times like these that I wish there was an easy button.

Friday September 17, 2010:

6:30-8:59…I woke up at 6:30 am to go do some paperwork for the new job I’m getting.
it was simple stuff and it only took about an hour.

9:00-12:30…So when I go home I took a Lortab (I have been having really bad back pain for a while), and I went to sleep until I had to go pick up my cousins from school.

2:00-3:00… After sitting in my truck for an hour in 98 degree heat, I finally get Maribeth and Keegan for school and we head home. I help Maribeth with homework and try to keep Keegan from tearing down half the house. We made cookies and brownies for the horse show.

4:00…Mom decides that she is going out of town and she wouldn’t be back until Sunday. I was like ok whatever. But then I learned that I had to go do the errands she was suppose to do for the horse that following night. Plus I was supposed to be getting ready to go eat with a group of my friends at Lilly’s around 6 that evening.

6:00… Joe comes and picks me up and we head to Lilly’s.

6:15…Arrives at Lilly’s, they are packed.

6:35….We are finally seated with 6 of our close friends.

6:50…Our order gets taken and drinks are brought to our table. Also tow more friends show up to eat with us.

7:45…We get our appetizers….yep that is right 7:45!!!

8:00... We finally get our food…Mine was not good.

8:35…We walk out of Lilly’s and we are $31 poorer than when we entered at 6:35….

8:40... We end up going to Tiff and Big’s house instead of going to watch Vampires Suck…at this point I’m NOT a happy Camper.

11:00…Joe takes me home.

11:30…I’m in bed asleep.

My day did not go as planned and I really HATED that!

Baby Sitting

I have started babysitting my little cousins after school until their mom get's off work.

In the afternoon, they finish their home work and get a snack and when they are finished we start a craft project.

Here are some pictures of the things we have been doing :

Thing that can’t be said.

Ok so there are some things I cannot talk about on my blog but I so wished I could.

I need to let things out but I'm scared of what ppl are going to say.

I know I shouldn't but I can't help it.

Anyways. So how was everybody's week so far?

Mine was not great as I post last night but I am thankful to have wonder friends I can talk to.

And a wonderful boyfriend!

So on a lighter note, I have a song that I have to share that I wrote about 2 years ago…maybe 3 years ago.
But if you hate…don't tell me. If you like it, then you can tell me. But don't lie!

Friday Night


Five minute to kick off or the dirt road
Jump in the Chevy and here we go
Hunting House dirt road here we come
Grab the whole gang and take a beer run

Friday night football games or going out with the MRA
Mud Riding Association for us small town kids
A place where Fords, Chevys and Toyotas are all alike
Stirring up trouble, slingin some mud, we know how to do it right

Chorus: Its time to play, load up, strap it, here we go again
Play callin, mud slingin, hard hitting, stuck is what we're gettin
No time outs, No giving up, Just having some fun
Out on the dirt road, down at the field, Friday night is here

No matter if it is a bulldog or a big bear were facing
Me and the MRA will be in our field playin
Tires spinnin, touchdown, we did it.
Friday night, we're winning

Chorus: Its time to play, load up, strap it, here we go again
Play callin, mud slingin, hard hitting, stuck is what we're gettin
No time outs, No giving up, Just having some fun
Out on the dirt road, down at the field, Friday night is here

Red Clay, Full tanks, and all the time in the world
Trucks fixed up, load down heading for the game
A little detour by that dirt road scene
Our Friday night out won't be clean

Chorus: Its time to play, load up, strap it, here we go again
Play callin, mud slingin, hard hitting, stuck is what we're gettin
No time outs, No giving up, Just having some fun
out on the dirt road, down at the field, Friday Night is here

It's game time, it's play time

It's Friday night.

Just a short thank you!

The last few days have been crazy. CRAZY!.There was a little bit of crying, yelling, loving and a ton of TV watching...Oh and that is only Monday.

But to have a crappy week, I'm having a good night. I'm getting to talk to a good friend who thinks I might be a LITTLE crazy but I know that he is always going to be there for me.

No matter how bad my day, week, month, or even year is, I know I can talk to this one person and everything goes away. It is amazing.

Thank you for everything.
There are days I couldn't function without talking to you.

I love the convos we have. They are funny, serious, amazing, crazy, and at times, will run until 4 in the morning.

Thank you again. No matter what I'm here for you too.

A Night to You

I wanted to share with you a poem that I wrote a while back...a little sneak preview.
So tell me your thoughts.
If you need my email address here it is.
dunncearra@rocketmail.com.
Feel free to email me when ever you want.

A Night to You

The moon rises as I think of you
My dreams are filled with your image

As I wake, I long for your touch
Once the sun rise, you're my world

I try to focus on the day as I think about you
I follow my schedule with happiness knowing you are my highlight

Leaving my hell hole, and entering heaven, you are near
Home is my rescue, knowing you are there

As the sun fades you are at my side
I'm engulfed in your touch

I'm enchanted by your smell
Your words are like chocolate, sweet and smooth

Your eyes look into my soul
Your kisses steal my heart

The moon rises as I enjoy you.

Family.

There are days....I think I said that yesterday.
Oh well...
Today my family found out that my uncle has cancer.
The doctors are hoping that the cancer is contained inside the tumor that
is on his back.
My mom was devastated.
We all are hoping for the best.
It is tough to see your family members going throw things such as this and you feel as if there is nothing you can do.
But I feel we can do something. We can pray.

I love you Uncle Rusty. Be strong.

100% Real.

There are times I feel like I’m alone.
Like there is no one else feeling the things I feel.
There is no one else going through the things I’m going through.
Feeling the things I feel.
I wish there was one person who would stay in my life forever and never leave me with the ppl that are in my life.
They are the ones that make me feel like I’m alone. Like I can’t say anything, like I can’t breathe, talk, walk, and even think right at times.
I try to stay out of everyone’s way. I try to please them. I try to be the good daughter, friend, and girlfriend. But some days no matter what I do I feel like I have failed them all.
But I think they are the ones that failed me. They are the ones who can’t think, breathe, feel, or walk right. They are the one who should feel bad. They are the one who should be crying and feeling alone. Not me. I shouldn’t. I haven’t done anything wrong.
Only thing I have done is try to please everyone.
That is the only thing I have done wrong.

An amazing day for a rant.

I just finished watching an amazing show called: If you really knew me. It was beyond amazing. It inspires me every time I see show, movies, songs, books, and people trying to save high schools from cliques, bullies, race, sexuality, body type, and academics.
My senior year in high school, my school was a part of a program called Friends of Rachel. It was an amazing program that thought stories about an ordinary girl wanting to change the world, but her life was ended before she ever fully understood the changes she was going to make on kids around the world. If you want more information about Rachel’s Story. Here is a link (http://www.rachelschallenge.org/)
to their website and the organization also has a MySpace page.
Also today I enjoyed a wonderful episode of Pretty Little Liars! It is my new all time fave show. But before all the crying and trying to figure out the mystery that Hanna, Emily, Spencer, and Aria, had me glued to the TV for, I spent the day with my wonderful Boyfriend, Joe.
We went to Joe’s grandmother’s house and spent the day with her. I love feisty old ppl, they make being old fun. We also had lunch at Ezell’s. If you are ever in Lower Alabama, You MUST get directions to Ezell’s Fish Camp. Amazing SEAFOOD!

Enough about my day, I just want to get a few things off my chest.
1. I really hope Joe takes this job where he will be travelling and making good money, bc within the next two years I want to get married and start a family.
2. I really hope I get this job at the bank. I don’t want to be stuck working at my family’s business the rest Of my life, guessing if I’m going to get a paycheck this week, or hoping we made enough money to give me a check to cover all my bills. I want security. I want to be able to put money up and save for my future. I want to be able to rely on me and not anyone else until the day I get married. I don’t want to work at a grocery store the rest of my life making minimum wage. I want to live and have freedom. I want to have an education I can use.

3. I feel like I’m losing my best friends. I don’t see them often. They or I never text or talk. And if I see them it is only for a few minutes a week.

4. I’m tired at sitting a home and on having money. It is an awful feeling. Joe says he knows how I feel but I don’t like he does. He knows what it is like to not have money, but he does make money to pay his bill and then be guaranteed to get a pay check.
Ugh. Thank you for letting my rant. I have faith that all things will work out but I just had to get that out of my head.

A few things to none.

So today wasn’t that great. Well I take that back. It kinda was. I got up and took a shower went to the school and registered for 3 of the 4 classes that I need. I have to go back in 2 weeks and take a placement test for my math class.

After going to the college, I went to lunch with my mom.

Then I went home changed clothes and went to Demopolis for a Teller Assessment Test. I hope I passed it. It was tougher than I thought it was going to be. There were 2 other girls that took the test with me. They were having a hard time with it to.

So that you understand me a little. I should tell you a few things about me.

1. I like how it smells after it rains.
2. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up...
3. I REALLY enjoy school.
4. I have a half brother that I haven't talked to in over 2 years.
5. I love my family and friends.
6. Halloween is my favorite holiday.
7. My favorite TV. show is GLEE and Pretty Little Liars.
8. I love Tommy Joe Haskew...even if he is a pain sometimes.
9. There are things that I wish I could do over.
10. I'm scared to ask questions.
11. I love hanging out with my parents.
12. I much rather read a book then do anything else.
13. I'm addicted to frozen yogurt and movies...and movie posters.
14. I like to dream of things that I know I could never do or have.
15. I sing in the car at the top of my lungs when I'm alone..lol
16. I hate to wear shoes...most of the time I'm in flip flops.
17. I love the winter.
18. I want to move to Alaska one day.
19. I LOVE to drive on the interstate.
20. There is always a running dialog in my mind at all times...kind of weird huh?
21. I have one sister...Heather.
22. I was born in October.
23. I'm infatuated with card games and black and white photos.
24. I love the colors red, black, white, fuchsia, and lime green.
25. I'm addicted to polka dots and my name.
26. I love looking at the stars.
27. My fave saying is: Its like SCREAMING at the sky. The stars have no ears, and besides, they are too far away to hear. They just keep on SHINING.
28. People tend to think they can walk over me. Well I have a temper.
29. For some reason ppl trust me with there secrets…guess what? At times that isn’t a good thing.
30. I want to write a book based on those secrets and the secrets of the small town that I live in. Some of them are pretty hard to belive.
31. I'm addicted to texting.
32. I like to be different and I speak my mind.

If there is anything you want to know. Just ask. I’m an opened person. I will answer all questions honestly. But don’t ask anything you wouldn’t answer.

Cupcake anyone?!?

I’m so disappointed in my life right now. I feel as though how things are going to be.
My mom asked me tonight what I wanted to go to school for. And I told her I didn’t know. I couldn’t go for radiology because I don’t have to money to go to USA.
I really wouldn’t mind going to culinary school, but once again I don’t have to money.
I want to be a pastry chef and open my own bakery. That would be amazing…what do you think?
But who knows.

One HOT Mama!!!

It has been pretty exciting today at my house and last night too. My dad and I were in the computer room, when we started smelling something burning. Dad thought it was the computer. So we unplugged everything and the smell got worse. Come to find out it was the air-conditioner. The drainage pipe is stopped up and the water was backing up into the unit and all the ducts. So we turn it off and dad started sucking the water out with the wet vac. The water just kept filling back up. no A/C in my house last night. This morning my dad called Air-Masters to come out and look at it. That was at 7:30 this morning and they just arrived at 3:00 this afternoon. It took them about 20 minutes to fix the problem. But it is so hot in the house I’m still sweating and it is 93 degrees outside.
To a an eventful day!

A little at first.

Ok. So you want to know my story. Well there isn’t much to tell. But I do have one.
My life everyday is a struggle; from weight to boyfriend to friends and family. That is just the life that people see.
Inside there are days that I wonder what I’m here for. Why was I put on earth? What am I suppose to do with my life?
You only get one life…make use of it. Well how? That is my question. If I was rich, I would say that I’m on a journey to find myself while travelling the world. But I’m not rich and at the moment stationary.
I’m a full time student... who isn’t sure what I’m doing. I live in a small town and will be stuck here until I graduate college. From what I see that will be a while and then I’m not guaranteed a way out.
So. My story? It is a little slow going. If you can bare with me, I will tell you about my life. Trust me this isn’t one of those sad stories with a happy end that you read about in books or learn about on the news. This is an unknown story that has a lot of twist and turns that will keep you laughing, crying, hating, loving and wondering…
Are you up for the challenge?
I am.

the 1st

I will be back later after Pretty Little Liars goes off...and then I will tell you my story.