Yay!!!

YAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!!!!

I’m super excited today!

I just purchased my very first bedroom suit!!

It’s vintage and amazing!!!

Plus I just talked to my roomie, and hopefully within the next couple of weeks we will be moving in to our place!!

We have a few minor things to finish.

But I’m still excited.

<3!!!!

Everything happens for a reason!!!

What are you hungry for?

What are you hungry for?

That is the question I was asked today.
The question was more food related but it got me to thinking.
What am I really hungry for?
I’m hungry for love, peace, passion, hope, enlightenment, and so many other things.

The answer to the question is seems so easy until you stop and think.
What are you really hungry for. The easy answer: food.
But what about spiritually?
Are you hungry for God?
Are you hungry for trust?
Are you hungry for respect?

Such a simple question got my mind to racing.

What if everyone stopped to think about the different meaning of questions, words, and such.

First off, we would never get anything done with our day, but joking aside, did it ever occur to anyone that we could be hungry for more than just food.

That our body, soul, and mind needs more that what is handed to us, or what we do on a daily bases?

My soul is craving the company of another.
The feeling of security, love, and total consumption of passion.
My mind is starving for knowledge, words, and challenge.
My body is wanting the indulgence of energy, health, and transformation.

So ask your self.
Just what are you really hungry for?

Kinda Crazy....

I have been stretched thin. But I enjoy it.

I have been working a lot while my boss has been on vacation..

I surely don’t mind that. It is getting my bills paid.

Plus I’m getting back in school!!!!!!!! I’m excited.

I should be graduating this semester but the college isn’t offering one of the classes I need so I’m going to be a semester behind.

But I’m ok will that.

Everything happens for a reason. So I’m not complaining.

I’m just blessed to be going back to school after the financial hardship my family was going through last year.

I also will be moving out of my parents house soon.

We r almost finished remodeling our trailer!!!!

I’m excited about that.

If only I could find a dresser to go in my room and I would have everything in need.

And maybe a few coolers full of alcohol…lol.

Well So I have covered work, school, and moving; Lets try love life!

Ok so about two post down I wrote about my break up with TJH.

Well we r still broke up.

We are on talking terms now.

He seem really happy with his new girlfriend.

I don’t like her, but I’m not the one dating her.

I do have a really good friend that I have been focusing all my extra energy on.

He is amazing, wonderful, sweet, charming, passionate, exciting, loving, caring, kind.

I could go on for days.

He has been a great friend this last month or more.

He is my heart to the fullest. I would do anything for him.

And he would do the same for me.

So not much on the love life front.

I would tell you that I have met a few guys that are amazing.

But you will have to wait and see.

Trust me there will be an update later.

I started back drawing and painting.

I love it.

It relaxes me.

I will post a few pictures later.

I’m going to try to start posting everyday.

It’s going to be hard with School and work, but I’m going to try.

Blogging takes my mind off of everything.

Well, it helps me get everything out.

Also, I have been in to some crazy music lately.

I downloaded the soundtrack to Sucker Punch.

I LOVE it!!!!!!

I guess this is enough for tonight.

But I will be back.

Post some comments people!!!

My lips are sealed...but my fingers aren't!

For some reason I can't sleep.

My mind won't quit going.

It’s like the damn energizer bunny.

I know why it keeps going but I wish that wasn't the case.

I can't handle that it right now.

And I know that person can't handle it at the moment.

They are going through a lot of stuff.

And I was too but I'm over it now.

I don't know.

I don't even know why I'm typing all this junk.

They aren't going to read it and be like: oh yes!! I feel the same way!

No they would be like: now isn't the time for this.

And I agree.

I couldn't handle hurting this person.

I couldn't handle being the reason why they don't open up to me anymore.

I couldn't handle not talking to them everyday.

I would hate myself.

I have so much love for this person.

I would literally try everything in my power, my reach, my ability, my soul to make them happy again.

To make them truly happy.

I know they say they are happy but I can tell there is a piece of their heart that is still missing.

I know I could never fill that piece.

I know I could never replace it.

I know I could never be what she was.

I know I could never change what she did.

I know that I am crazy for the way that I feel.

It is crazy.

I know that.

I really do.

But what am I suppose to do?

What can I do?

I don't have the answer.

No one does.

I don't want this person to think that they have to feel the same way.

They don’t.

They don't have to act on anything that I say here.

I don't want them to think that I'm pushing them.

I’m not.

I just want them to know I care.

A lot.

A lot lot.

And I can't help it.

I said that my head, my brain, controls everything.

But for some reason it isn’t.

It is being over turned.

I try not to listen, because it will only bring problems.

Problems I don't want.

I don't want to change the amazing way we are together as friends, as support to one another, but I just feel if I say something it will.

What in the hell am I going to do.

I can't keep it in.

Lord help me!

Goodnight.

Break Ups!

Break ups are never easy. They can ruin your life. They can make your life happier. They can piss people off. They can make so people enjoy life more.

Over two weeks ago, my boyfriend and I decided to call it quits. Well I knew some of our friends were going to take it hard. My (ex) boyfriend and I had been together for over 2 years. Our mutual friends didn't know how to react to us, (ME), at first.

The first couple of days were okay. Then I'm not sure what happened. But they quit texting, I'm getting dirty looks, and I stop getting invited to go place or to hang out with them.

At first I thought it was just because (tjh) had been friends with them longer. and I was more of his tang-along.

Well now I'm seems that I'm, ME, is the cause for all the cold shoulder mess that is going on.

I, ME, broke his heart. I just drop him with no reason at all. I, ME, was seeing someone else. I, ME, cut everybody off.

But I, ME, didn't do anything of these things. I'm not sure who is saying this stuff. I really don't. I would really like it if they wouldn't.

Because NO ONE truly knows what mine and my ex's relationship was like. They don't know the things we had been through. They don't understand why we broke up.

But most importantly.........IT IS NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS!!!!!!!

if I wanted them to know I, ME, would have told them.

What started all of this...(well it was started before this, but this was the icing on the cake), last night I was seen by 3-4 different people with a friend at the movies. We didn't go together. We did sit together and I did talk to my friend after the movie. But we didn't go on a "date" together.

Before the movie even started my friend was getting text from other people asking why he was at the movies with a certain girl. And that my Ex was mad because we were together.

and once again...........IT ISN'T ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For the las 6 months I had been to the movies by myself. I went, paid my own ticket, and sat in a row by myself for over 6 months. No one wanted to go. So last night when I saw an opportunity not to be/sit by myself I took it.

It led to people taking pictures of me and my friend. It led to people texting him during the movie. It led to us having a fun night also.

So to the people who are not mature enough to stay in your own business................get over it and move on.

THING HAPPEN....PEOPLE MOVE ON AND GROW!

But if your not mature enough to except that then, don't put my name in your mouth, don't talk to me, don't look at me, don't try stalking my facebook, (because I deleted anyways!) and don't do anything that involves me!

For now I see who my real friends are and believe me Quality is better than Quantity.

Life has its way...

Wow it has been so long since I wrote anything at all.

Thing here lately have been crazy.

Between family, school, work and love my heart and mind is give out.

The is some points in the day that I catch myself thinking about it all, and all I want to do is cry.

Let’s see if I can break this down for you.

Family:
My Uncle Rusty was diagnosed with cancer at the end of August.
The name of the cancer is Malignant Fibrous Histiocytoma Sarcoma. It is kind of rare.
He has been doing radiation and chemo since the beginning of September.
He only has 5 more treatments left. They are hoping to be able to go in and remove the tumor after he finishes all his treatments.

Then Saturday, my family finds out that one of our cousins is missing. He was down at the river with some friends and he slipped on some rocks and fell in to the water. They searched Saturday afternoon, night, Sunday morning and afternoon. They finally recovered his body. They are staying that after he fell into the water he drowned and was taken down stream due to the lock and dam. It is a very sad time for the Robertson family. Little Roy left behind 3 sisters, 2 brothers, 3 nieces, 2 and a half nephew, 1 son, his girlfriend and his parents. And plus all of his outlying family. He will be missed. His funeral is scheduled for Thursday at 2 at O’Bryant Funeral Home.

School:

Well I had to drop one of my classes b/c I couldn’t afford to buy the software I need for the class. And I probably won’t be going next semester because my family cannot afford to pay my tuition.

So I’m really stressed out about all of that.

Work:

I just started a new job. I only work about 12 hours a week and get minimum wage. It is pretty rough. But I really like the job. I just need to save some money to buy some new clothes and a better pair of shoes to ware to work. But hopefully some stuff will die down and I can afford to.

I guess that is all for tonight. Thank you for listening to me and

Thank you for reading my blog. Leave me some feedback.

Love you all!

BIRTHDAY WEEK!

Wow…I have been needing to write. But I just haven’t had the chance.

I turned 21 Saturday!!!!!…But I still haven’t bought any alcohol. I was thinking about buying some tomorrow and have margarita night at the house.

That probably won’t happen.

Well this weekend was pretty great. I got to see family that I hadn’t seen in YEARS!. I really enjoyed seeing them. We had a family cookout and it went well. We had a lot of family members show up. Some couldn’t make it but that is understandable.

After the cookout I had to go to work. I started my job about 1 week ago. I’m really enjoying it. At first, I thought I couldn’t handle it but I think I’m doing well. It is fun helping ppl and my co-workers are great.

After work I went to Fulton’s Annual Singing. I got there and everyone yep coming up to me and telling my happy birthday and I didn’t think anything about it. I just kept telling everyone thank you. Well just about the time I saw Mrs. Teresa, The band started singing Happy Birthday to me in front of everyone. I was so cool. Even thought my feet were killing me and I didn’t fell good. My Birthday ended well.

My weekend was pretty great.

But my week…that is a totally different story. I had to drop my accounting class because I couldn’t get the code I needed for the class. And I kind of feel bad for dropping it but I had no other choice.

But on the up side, I got to dog sit for my grandmother today. I had fun until the puppy started to do her “business” in the living room. She got a spanking for that 3 times today. I took her out about 4 different times and she would come back inside to do the her “business.” It made me sooo mad! Dad took her home about 3.

I have been kind of lost since then. I normally baby-sit in the afternoons but I got a call this morning telling me that I didn’t need to go pick up the kids from school. So this afternoon has been kind of quite and boring compared to the usual loud yelling, laughing, hustle and bustle that it usually is in the afternoons after school.

On one hand I was bored but on the other I was kind if glad. I need a day off. I have work for 4 straight days and was needing some time off.

Oh…well. Now I’m not sure what to write about. I’m kind of still lost. I’m not use to being home on a Monday night. I really should be doing the outline for my religion research paper…but I’m not.

So I will let you all go. I hope you enjoy the rest of your week.