The Good, Bad, and Tears

Wow, I’m day went from ok to really bad in two text messages.

Oh wow.

I’m not sure what to do with myself at the moment.

I guess I should start from that beginning.

About four years ago, I started texting a guy that I went to school with .

He was a grade or two above me in school, so I never really talked to him much.

I added him of FB and we started talking and stuff.

Well we exchanged numbers and we texted, talked, and so on.

Over the four years we have hung out a little

Not much bc I knew my parents wouldn’t approve.

So after a while we just stopped talking.

Well I would text every now and then just to see how he was doing.

I really fell head over heels for this guy.

Then I met my EX. We dated for 2 years.

After that I started back talking to old friends trying to kind of re-start my life.

Well one of the ppl I wanted back in my life was him.

And so one day I texted him. We started talking and getting to know each other again.

That’s when I realized those feeling never went away.

I was still head over heels for him.

I kind of told him how I felt, and I thought he felt the same way.

But the other day he texted me and said that he got asked to be someone’s boyfriend.

At first I thought it might have been a joke, but he was serious.

He had been talking to this girl for a while.

He had feeling for her, but she kind of put it on hold.

Then out of the blue, she asked him out.

He told me he still had feeling for her, but he didn’t know what to do.

And I guess last night he figured it out.

He texted me just a minute ago and told me he had some bad news.

I asked what, he said that he was off the market.

I am devastated.

Well.............

Well I’m not sure what is going on.
My mind is not confused….but it isn’t sure about things anymore.

I’m really in to music lately.
I can’t function without it.
That and TEEN WOLF!!!
LOL I’m addicted to it.

I’m also addicted to texting and catching up with old friends.
I miss them so much.
A lot of them don’t live here or they live here but they r working off somewhere.

I can’t wait to move in with Kori and Ash.
We are getting the water turned on today.
Hopefully they won’t find anything wrong and we can get it turned on today.
If they do then we have to get it fixed before that water gets turned on.

Also I’m excited today because I get to drive my truck!!!
I’m usually driving my mom’s car because I can’t afford the gas in the truck.
But my mom needed the car today so I get the truck WOOHOO!!!!

I have so much I want to say but I don’t have the words!
Its crazy.

I just want everyone to know that I love them and I’m always here for you!

Yay!!!

YAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!!!!

I’m super excited today!

I just purchased my very first bedroom suit!!

It’s vintage and amazing!!!

Plus I just talked to my roomie, and hopefully within the next couple of weeks we will be moving in to our place!!

We have a few minor things to finish.

But I’m still excited.

<3!!!!

Everything happens for a reason!!!

What are you hungry for?

What are you hungry for?

That is the question I was asked today.
The question was more food related but it got me to thinking.
What am I really hungry for?
I’m hungry for love, peace, passion, hope, enlightenment, and so many other things.

The answer to the question is seems so easy until you stop and think.
What are you really hungry for. The easy answer: food.
But what about spiritually?
Are you hungry for God?
Are you hungry for trust?
Are you hungry for respect?

Such a simple question got my mind to racing.

What if everyone stopped to think about the different meaning of questions, words, and such.

First off, we would never get anything done with our day, but joking aside, did it ever occur to anyone that we could be hungry for more than just food.

That our body, soul, and mind needs more that what is handed to us, or what we do on a daily bases?

My soul is craving the company of another.
The feeling of security, love, and total consumption of passion.
My mind is starving for knowledge, words, and challenge.
My body is wanting the indulgence of energy, health, and transformation.

So ask your self.
Just what are you really hungry for?

Kinda Crazy....

I have been stretched thin. But I enjoy it.

I have been working a lot while my boss has been on vacation..

I surely don’t mind that. It is getting my bills paid.

Plus I’m getting back in school!!!!!!!! I’m excited.

I should be graduating this semester but the college isn’t offering one of the classes I need so I’m going to be a semester behind.

But I’m ok will that.

Everything happens for a reason. So I’m not complaining.

I’m just blessed to be going back to school after the financial hardship my family was going through last year.

I also will be moving out of my parents house soon.

We r almost finished remodeling our trailer!!!!

I’m excited about that.

If only I could find a dresser to go in my room and I would have everything in need.

And maybe a few coolers full of alcohol…lol.

Well So I have covered work, school, and moving; Lets try love life!

Ok so about two post down I wrote about my break up with TJH.

Well we r still broke up.

We are on talking terms now.

He seem really happy with his new girlfriend.

I don’t like her, but I’m not the one dating her.

I do have a really good friend that I have been focusing all my extra energy on.

He is amazing, wonderful, sweet, charming, passionate, exciting, loving, caring, kind.

I could go on for days.

He has been a great friend this last month or more.

He is my heart to the fullest. I would do anything for him.

And he would do the same for me.

So not much on the love life front.

I would tell you that I have met a few guys that are amazing.

But you will have to wait and see.

Trust me there will be an update later.

I started back drawing and painting.

I love it.

It relaxes me.

I will post a few pictures later.

I’m going to try to start posting everyday.

It’s going to be hard with School and work, but I’m going to try.

Blogging takes my mind off of everything.

Well, it helps me get everything out.

Also, I have been in to some crazy music lately.

I downloaded the soundtrack to Sucker Punch.

I LOVE it!!!!!!

I guess this is enough for tonight.

But I will be back.

Post some comments people!!!

My lips are sealed...but my fingers aren't!

For some reason I can't sleep.

My mind won't quit going.

It’s like the damn energizer bunny.

I know why it keeps going but I wish that wasn't the case.

I can't handle that it right now.

And I know that person can't handle it at the moment.

They are going through a lot of stuff.

And I was too but I'm over it now.

I don't know.

I don't even know why I'm typing all this junk.

They aren't going to read it and be like: oh yes!! I feel the same way!

No they would be like: now isn't the time for this.

And I agree.

I couldn't handle hurting this person.

I couldn't handle being the reason why they don't open up to me anymore.

I couldn't handle not talking to them everyday.

I would hate myself.

I have so much love for this person.

I would literally try everything in my power, my reach, my ability, my soul to make them happy again.

To make them truly happy.

I know they say they are happy but I can tell there is a piece of their heart that is still missing.

I know I could never fill that piece.

I know I could never replace it.

I know I could never be what she was.

I know I could never change what she did.

I know that I am crazy for the way that I feel.

It is crazy.

I know that.

I really do.

But what am I suppose to do?

What can I do?

I don't have the answer.

No one does.

I don't want this person to think that they have to feel the same way.

They don’t.

They don't have to act on anything that I say here.

I don't want them to think that I'm pushing them.

I’m not.

I just want them to know I care.

A lot.

A lot lot.

And I can't help it.

I said that my head, my brain, controls everything.

But for some reason it isn’t.

It is being over turned.

I try not to listen, because it will only bring problems.

Problems I don't want.

I don't want to change the amazing way we are together as friends, as support to one another, but I just feel if I say something it will.

What in the hell am I going to do.

I can't keep it in.

Lord help me!

Goodnight.

Break Ups!

Break ups are never easy. They can ruin your life. They can make your life happier. They can piss people off. They can make so people enjoy life more.

Over two weeks ago, my boyfriend and I decided to call it quits. Well I knew some of our friends were going to take it hard. My (ex) boyfriend and I had been together for over 2 years. Our mutual friends didn't know how to react to us, (ME), at first.

The first couple of days were okay. Then I'm not sure what happened. But they quit texting, I'm getting dirty looks, and I stop getting invited to go place or to hang out with them.

At first I thought it was just because (tjh) had been friends with them longer. and I was more of his tang-along.

Well now I'm seems that I'm, ME, is the cause for all the cold shoulder mess that is going on.

I, ME, broke his heart. I just drop him with no reason at all. I, ME, was seeing someone else. I, ME, cut everybody off.

But I, ME, didn't do anything of these things. I'm not sure who is saying this stuff. I really don't. I would really like it if they wouldn't.

Because NO ONE truly knows what mine and my ex's relationship was like. They don't know the things we had been through. They don't understand why we broke up.

But most importantly.........IT IS NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS!!!!!!!

if I wanted them to know I, ME, would have told them.

What started all of this...(well it was started before this, but this was the icing on the cake), last night I was seen by 3-4 different people with a friend at the movies. We didn't go together. We did sit together and I did talk to my friend after the movie. But we didn't go on a "date" together.

Before the movie even started my friend was getting text from other people asking why he was at the movies with a certain girl. And that my Ex was mad because we were together.

and once again...........IT ISN'T ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For the las 6 months I had been to the movies by myself. I went, paid my own ticket, and sat in a row by myself for over 6 months. No one wanted to go. So last night when I saw an opportunity not to be/sit by myself I took it.

It led to people taking pictures of me and my friend. It led to people texting him during the movie. It led to us having a fun night also.

So to the people who are not mature enough to stay in your own business................get over it and move on.

THING HAPPEN....PEOPLE MOVE ON AND GROW!

But if your not mature enough to except that then, don't put my name in your mouth, don't talk to me, don't look at me, don't try stalking my facebook, (because I deleted anyways!) and don't do anything that involves me!

For now I see who my real friends are and believe me Quality is better than Quantity.