The nerve of some people!

WARNING: If you know me personally and know the people that I have written about, DO NOT go run to them and GOSSIP about what I wrote. If you do want to do something tell them to read my blog and ask me in person why I wrote what I wrote. Everything that I have written is 100% my thoughts and my opinion. If you don't like it, DO NOT read it. PLAIN AND SIMPLE :)

The nerve of some people amazes me!!!

I just posted a new post today but I kind of wasn’t finished.

I was trying to finish because I need to write so bad, but everything was mashed together.

I wish I could sit and write and get everything out…but that would take a long time.

In the past few months, I have met some amazing people.  Yes, I’m calling some more people out.

Some of the people I’m going to talk about I have met recently.  Some I have known for years, and others I haven’t talked to in years. I doesn’t matter which one you are, just know if you are on the list, you mean a lot to me or you impacted me greatly in my life.

Adam: I believe we met on purpose. There is a divine reason why we met. We might now know what the reason is at this very moment but we will one day in the future. God has a plan for us. I’m glad I met you. You make me happy and you know the right things to say. You truly amaze me every day. Thank you for being open and honest with me. I love how God is working through you. You inspire me to be a better person and a better Christian. I love you sweetie.

Heath:  I don’t know where to start with you heath.  Heath, you and I go WAY back.  It’s kind of funny that we met through a person you were dating at the time….then you proceeded to date the rest of my friends.  Except for me, which to me I felt we had a better connection than any of my friends did… Oh I almost forgot, it was because I was fat….well to bad that was your loss! I still was your friend and always have been. You were the one who stopped talking to me. You were the one who fell off the face of the earth. I never went anywhere.  But I will be the bigger person and forgive you and invite you back into my world. If you leave this time don’t bother returning. I love you, just as I did when we were best friends.

Austin:  We have known each other for a little over four years. We have talked on and off during that time. I had a ton of respect for you, until today. I truly cared about you. You were a dear friend. You helped me see the brighter side of my gloomy days.  But then you go behind my back and do the unthinkable.  You should really hope KARMA isn’t real because if it is…you are pretty much F**KED

Jeff: J you amaze me. You always put a smile on my face. You are the most perverted, but sweet guy I know. I love you sweetie. No matter what we are talking about you always end up back at sex! It is amazing lol. But I wouldn’t have you any other way. You think I’m perfect just the way I am and I love you even more for that.

Jenny: How could I forget you? You have been my best friend since kindergarten. We have had many many adventured over the years. We have fought and laughed. We have hate and loved.  We have shared and kept secrets. We have helped each other through rough times. We might talk every day or see each other but every now and then but I know we will always be friends. I will be here for you no matter the situation. I love you jenny!

Ronnie:  Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie, oh where do I start?? You surprised me when we first became friends. I can’t remember how we first met, but you and Brian took me in like we had been friends for years.  I remember all the days I got “kidnapped” and all the nights we rode around in the truck. We had great times. I really miss hanging out with you.

Brian: Well same with you Brian, I remember all the days of hanging out with you. I remember me and jenny driving to your house the day that it rained SO hard and my dad calling and you talking to him, to keep me from getting in trouble. Then tadpole got stuck in the yard. It was so funny. That was a fun day! I just hate that we became distance. Just like Ronnie, I miss you.

I want give a little background on this next part because to understand what I’m going to say about this person I think you need to know the back story.

** Okay. About two years ago, I got really sick. I didn’t know what was going on. I went to 5 different doctors. I have blood work done and had exams after exam done. The doctors had no clue what was going on. My hair was falling out, I was rapidly gaining weight, my stomach hurt all the time, I got massive headaches, all I wanted to do was sleep. I literally would stay at home and do nothing bc I was scared to go anywhere. So when I did feel good and wanted to go out, I would make sure I had all my friends with me. There were times that I would use my “sickness” to get out of things. After I started to get well, I tried to stop using my “sickness” as an excuse and I did stop. I learned that it better to do things u don’t want to do, because you never know, you might just have fun.**

Asa: I don’t want to be mean, because you are a friend of all my friends. Plus, your girlfriend works with my best friends and they are friends.  But I trusted you after my break up with Joe. I told you that I wasn’t ready for a relationship. I was just looking for a friend. Yes. I know I was the one who started what we had…but I guess I fell too fast.  And I’m sorry for that. But you were the one who shut me out. Then you bitched me out for saying I didn’t feel good and didn’t want to come to Cuz’s house. However, you were the one that told me you would be at my house by 8. You didn’t show up til 10. And that was after I called you twice. So of course I was mad and didn’t want to give you my full attention.  But anyways, I’m sorry to hear that you and your girlfriend’s relationship isn’t doing well…Karma is a bitch huh?!?

Joe: Well here we go. I promise I’m going to be nice…or try to be. You were my life for two years.  We fought most of the time. But some of the time, we were in love. I really thought you were the one that I was going to marry. But things didn’t work out that way. I want to blame it on you know who…because everything was ok until she suddenly comes into the picture. It felt like she tore us apart. I remember lying in my bed crying so hard I didn’t think I was going to be able to stop. She took you from me. She changed you. So I changed my relationship status. Our friends didn’t like it and somehow I became the bad guy. But I hope you have a good life with your new girlfriend. 

Where to start?

Where to start?? 

In the past month, I have learned a lot about the people in my life.

I know my parents love me dearly.

 That K and A are true friends.

Ex’s make great friends because they already know everything about you.

There are some friends who truly don’t care about you, until they see you face to face, and then they are your best friend.

There are friends who care but are too scared to even speak to you when they are around their other “friends.”

Then there is the unexpected friend(s) that amaze you day to by how much they truly care.

I have also learned that there are some things in life that can be put on hold.

Like school, I hate to say that. But school, once again, has been put in hold due to my injury.

But hopefully, I will be able to return to school for the spring semester.

On another note, I’m so tired of heartache.

Since May, I have been on a journey to make myself happy.

If that involves a guy then it does. But at this point in my life, I don’t want to just date anyone.

I want to find the ONE I’m supposed to be with and spend the rest of my life with them.

I’m not “looking” for him, but if he is already in my life, thank you for everything you do.  Or if he comes into my life later on, I will greet him with open arms and an open heart.

Now it is time to call some people out. (not a bad thing!)

Kori:  Thank you for being my best friend since 3^rd grade. We have been through a lot since then and thank you so much for sticking with me this long. Without you, I really don’t know where I would be.  You mean the world to me. I love you!! I hope you know that.

Ash:  There are no words to describe Ashley. I have literally been sitting here for two days trying to figure out what I want to say about ash.  She is amazing in her own way. She has a way about her that makes you feel important. She makes me laugh and at the same time, makes me want to pull her hair out. If she was a guy she would be my soul mate.  Thank you for being my friend when I didn’t want you to be. Because I truly wouldn’t have known how amazing you are and how much I needed you in my life. I love you!!

Andrew:  Andrew, you are special to me. We have “known” each other for many years, but we truly didn’t know one another until fate brought us together. We were going through similar problems at the time. We help one another through tough times in our lives. You are the best guy friend that I have. I don’t know what I would do without you. We might not get to talk everyday like we use to, but I still love you just as much. I will always be here for you. The time we have had together and will have together is precious to me. I wish every day that you could be here with me but I know the work you are doing is important. I know you will be here when you can. When you get here I will be the happiest person on the earth! I miss you and I love you so much Always. Always Foever.

My week :(

So I have been sitting in this very spot for about a week now.

I fell off a ladder at work and messed up my ankle really badly.

At first I was told that it was just a really bad sprang and that within a few days it would be fine.

After 3 days of sitting here and there was no improvement, I went back to the doctor.

If I wouldn't have  went back to the doctor I probably would be a work right now trying to get up and down the ladder making my ankle and foot worse than what it is.

The doctor looked in my file and saw where to radiologist looked at my xray a 2^nd time and found that I had a previous break on my ankle that had happen over 3 years ago. 

A piece of my ankle bone broke off and attached itself to a tendon. 

While my ankle healed the bone fragment “grew” to the tendon and my ankle.

When I fell the other night it pulled the two pieces apart.

So I was in a lot of pain and I need physical therapy.

Due to the fact that I did it at work Workmen’s Comp. is supposed to pay for my medical bills.

Well they denied my Physical therapy and ordered me back to work….and I still can’t walk.

So last night was the first night back to work since Monday.

It was awful. I had to sit on a stool at the register for 4 hours unable to get up and move around.

The only good part about going to work was getting out of the house.

But I hated every minute of it.

I’m so ready to be about to walk again.

I feel like I have gained 20 lbs.

But I know it is just from the pain shots and not being able to walk and move around.

I think I would feel better if I weighed less and I probably move more…but I don’t and I’m going to fix that. As soon as I can walk and move.

a short thank you!

I'm addicted!
.....to what you ask?
Well it a song that Mr. Adam (hehe) posted on my Facebook.
I can't get enough of it. I think today alone I have listened to it over 20 times.
I just keep hitting the repeat button....!
Like..now!! (just clicked on play again) hehe!

So i would like to thank Adam for my new favorite song!
Thank you sweetie <3!

Labor Day Excitement

It has been a couple of weeks since I have last posted.
Not much has changed or nothing new has happened.

Well that is kinda untrue...but I can't tell you what happened yet <3!

But I can tell you what happened Monday!!!

Okay, so Monday September 5, Labor day, I opened the store by myself.
My boss had called the store to make sure I had everything in order.
By this time the lights went off. About 2 minutes later they came back on.

I didn't call her back. I just finished all my task for opening.
Well I unlocked the door about 3 minutes early because I was finished with all my task and I started my walk through.
Just in case we had missed something the night before. As I'm rounding the corner of the kids aisle I see this SUV come over the hill at the store AIR BORNE! I turn right around and head for the back of the store.

I heard the SUV hit the front of the store. The first thing I do is call my boss, then I call 911.
The guy that hit the store is outside on the phone crying to his mom.

I was like REALLY dude! you called your MOM?!?! but anyways. My boss gets there then the police do.

Well if you are wondering how the guy ended up in our store hears the story:

He was turning out of Walmart. He thought he could beat the car that was coming, but he didn't realize it was as close as it was. So he hit the gas. The SUV lost traction and he over corrected. Instead of hitting the brake he hit the gas. He comes up the hill in front of the store which causes him to be come airborne. When the SUV lands in our parking lot his foot is still on the gas and then BAM he runs in to the store front.

So yea...now we have plywood covering the BIG hole that is in the front of our store. Hopefully it will be fixed in the next week or so.

But pretty exciting labor day....and I was excepting it to be slow and boring.

The Good, Bad, and Tears

Wow, I’m day went from ok to really bad in two text messages.

Oh wow.

I’m not sure what to do with myself at the moment.

I guess I should start from that beginning.

About four years ago, I started texting a guy that I went to school with .

He was a grade or two above me in school, so I never really talked to him much.

I added him of FB and we started talking and stuff.

Well we exchanged numbers and we texted, talked, and so on.

Over the four years we have hung out a little

Not much bc I knew my parents wouldn’t approve.

So after a while we just stopped talking.

Well I would text every now and then just to see how he was doing.

I really fell head over heels for this guy.

Then I met my EX. We dated for 2 years.

After that I started back talking to old friends trying to kind of re-start my life.

Well one of the ppl I wanted back in my life was him.

And so one day I texted him. We started talking and getting to know each other again.

That’s when I realized those feeling never went away.

I was still head over heels for him.

I kind of told him how I felt, and I thought he felt the same way.

But the other day he texted me and said that he got asked to be someone’s boyfriend.

At first I thought it might have been a joke, but he was serious.

He had been talking to this girl for a while.

He had feeling for her, but she kind of put it on hold.

Then out of the blue, she asked him out.

He told me he still had feeling for her, but he didn’t know what to do.

And I guess last night he figured it out.

He texted me just a minute ago and told me he had some bad news.

I asked what, he said that he was off the market.

I am devastated.

Well.............

Well I’m not sure what is going on.
My mind is not confused….but it isn’t sure about things anymore.

I’m really in to music lately.
I can’t function without it.
That and TEEN WOLF!!!
LOL I’m addicted to it.

I’m also addicted to texting and catching up with old friends.
I miss them so much.
A lot of them don’t live here or they live here but they r working off somewhere.

I can’t wait to move in with Kori and Ash.
We are getting the water turned on today.
Hopefully they won’t find anything wrong and we can get it turned on today.
If they do then we have to get it fixed before that water gets turned on.

Also I’m excited today because I get to drive my truck!!!
I’m usually driving my mom’s car because I can’t afford the gas in the truck.
But my mom needed the car today so I get the truck WOOHOO!!!!

I have so much I want to say but I don’t have the words!
Its crazy.

I just want everyone to know that I love them and I’m always here for you!

Yay!!!

YAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!!!!

I’m super excited today!

I just purchased my very first bedroom suit!!

It’s vintage and amazing!!!

Plus I just talked to my roomie, and hopefully within the next couple of weeks we will be moving in to our place!!

We have a few minor things to finish.

But I’m still excited.

<3!!!!

Everything happens for a reason!!!

What are you hungry for?

What are you hungry for?

That is the question I was asked today.
The question was more food related but it got me to thinking.
What am I really hungry for?
I’m hungry for love, peace, passion, hope, enlightenment, and so many other things.

The answer to the question is seems so easy until you stop and think.
What are you really hungry for. The easy answer: food.
But what about spiritually?
Are you hungry for God?
Are you hungry for trust?
Are you hungry for respect?

Such a simple question got my mind to racing.

What if everyone stopped to think about the different meaning of questions, words, and such.

First off, we would never get anything done with our day, but joking aside, did it ever occur to anyone that we could be hungry for more than just food.

That our body, soul, and mind needs more that what is handed to us, or what we do on a daily bases?

My soul is craving the company of another.
The feeling of security, love, and total consumption of passion.
My mind is starving for knowledge, words, and challenge.
My body is wanting the indulgence of energy, health, and transformation.

So ask your self.
Just what are you really hungry for?

Kinda Crazy....

I have been stretched thin. But I enjoy it.

I have been working a lot while my boss has been on vacation..

I surely don’t mind that. It is getting my bills paid.

Plus I’m getting back in school!!!!!!!! I’m excited.

I should be graduating this semester but the college isn’t offering one of the classes I need so I’m going to be a semester behind.

But I’m ok will that.

Everything happens for a reason. So I’m not complaining.

I’m just blessed to be going back to school after the financial hardship my family was going through last year.

I also will be moving out of my parents house soon.

We r almost finished remodeling our trailer!!!!

I’m excited about that.

If only I could find a dresser to go in my room and I would have everything in need.

And maybe a few coolers full of alcohol…lol.

Well So I have covered work, school, and moving; Lets try love life!

Ok so about two post down I wrote about my break up with TJH.

Well we r still broke up.

We are on talking terms now.

He seem really happy with his new girlfriend.

I don’t like her, but I’m not the one dating her.

I do have a really good friend that I have been focusing all my extra energy on.

He is amazing, wonderful, sweet, charming, passionate, exciting, loving, caring, kind.

I could go on for days.

He has been a great friend this last month or more.

He is my heart to the fullest. I would do anything for him.

And he would do the same for me.

So not much on the love life front.

I would tell you that I have met a few guys that are amazing.

But you will have to wait and see.

Trust me there will be an update later.

I started back drawing and painting.

I love it.

It relaxes me.

I will post a few pictures later.

I’m going to try to start posting everyday.

It’s going to be hard with School and work, but I’m going to try.

Blogging takes my mind off of everything.

Well, it helps me get everything out.

Also, I have been in to some crazy music lately.

I downloaded the soundtrack to Sucker Punch.

I LOVE it!!!!!!

I guess this is enough for tonight.

But I will be back.

Post some comments people!!!

My lips are sealed...but my fingers aren't!

For some reason I can't sleep.

My mind won't quit going.

It’s like the damn energizer bunny.

I know why it keeps going but I wish that wasn't the case.

I can't handle that it right now.

And I know that person can't handle it at the moment.

They are going through a lot of stuff.

And I was too but I'm over it now.

I don't know.

I don't even know why I'm typing all this junk.

They aren't going to read it and be like: oh yes!! I feel the same way!

No they would be like: now isn't the time for this.

And I agree.

I couldn't handle hurting this person.

I couldn't handle being the reason why they don't open up to me anymore.

I couldn't handle not talking to them everyday.

I would hate myself.

I have so much love for this person.

I would literally try everything in my power, my reach, my ability, my soul to make them happy again.

To make them truly happy.

I know they say they are happy but I can tell there is a piece of their heart that is still missing.

I know I could never fill that piece.

I know I could never replace it.

I know I could never be what she was.

I know I could never change what she did.

I know that I am crazy for the way that I feel.

It is crazy.

I know that.

I really do.

But what am I suppose to do?

What can I do?

I don't have the answer.

No one does.

I don't want this person to think that they have to feel the same way.

They don’t.

They don't have to act on anything that I say here.

I don't want them to think that I'm pushing them.

I’m not.

I just want them to know I care.

A lot.

A lot lot.

And I can't help it.

I said that my head, my brain, controls everything.

But for some reason it isn’t.

It is being over turned.

I try not to listen, because it will only bring problems.

Problems I don't want.

I don't want to change the amazing way we are together as friends, as support to one another, but I just feel if I say something it will.

What in the hell am I going to do.

I can't keep it in.

Lord help me!

Goodnight.

Break Ups!

Break ups are never easy. They can ruin your life. They can make your life happier. They can piss people off. They can make so people enjoy life more.

Over two weeks ago, my boyfriend and I decided to call it quits. Well I knew some of our friends were going to take it hard. My (ex) boyfriend and I had been together for over 2 years. Our mutual friends didn't know how to react to us, (ME), at first.

The first couple of days were okay. Then I'm not sure what happened. But they quit texting, I'm getting dirty looks, and I stop getting invited to go place or to hang out with them.

At first I thought it was just because (tjh) had been friends with them longer. and I was more of his tang-along.

Well now I'm seems that I'm, ME, is the cause for all the cold shoulder mess that is going on.

I, ME, broke his heart. I just drop him with no reason at all. I, ME, was seeing someone else. I, ME, cut everybody off.

But I, ME, didn't do anything of these things. I'm not sure who is saying this stuff. I really don't. I would really like it if they wouldn't.

Because NO ONE truly knows what mine and my ex's relationship was like. They don't know the things we had been through. They don't understand why we broke up.

But most importantly.........IT IS NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS!!!!!!!

if I wanted them to know I, ME, would have told them.

What started all of this...(well it was started before this, but this was the icing on the cake), last night I was seen by 3-4 different people with a friend at the movies. We didn't go together. We did sit together and I did talk to my friend after the movie. But we didn't go on a "date" together.

Before the movie even started my friend was getting text from other people asking why he was at the movies with a certain girl. And that my Ex was mad because we were together.

and once again...........IT ISN'T ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For the las 6 months I had been to the movies by myself. I went, paid my own ticket, and sat in a row by myself for over 6 months. No one wanted to go. So last night when I saw an opportunity not to be/sit by myself I took it.

It led to people taking pictures of me and my friend. It led to people texting him during the movie. It led to us having a fun night also.

So to the people who are not mature enough to stay in your own business................get over it and move on.

THING HAPPEN....PEOPLE MOVE ON AND GROW!

But if your not mature enough to except that then, don't put my name in your mouth, don't talk to me, don't look at me, don't try stalking my facebook, (because I deleted anyways!) and don't do anything that involves me!

For now I see who my real friends are and believe me Quality is better than Quantity.